The Web of Death (Wu du tian luo, 1976)

Chu Yuan

Hong Kong

87 min, color, Mandarin (English subtitles)

Review © 2004 Branislav L. Slantchev

Yet another fantasy from Chu Yuan starring just about everyone you can think of except Ti Lung for some reason. Yueh Hua is the righteous swordsman who plays the supporting role to Ching Li's suspiciously acrobatic Susu when she does not play the flute, in which case he gets equal billing. Scripted by I Kuang from a Louis Cha story, The Web of Death is a non-stop wuxia/special effects mayhem tinged with serious dollops of melodrama, in a phantasmagoric kaleidoscope of images loosely connected by the fact that the same actors appear in most of them. Brimming with unnecessary extras and sporting the usual profusion of names, the film is bound to satisfy everyone who does not care much about remembering who is who. It is a remake of the awful 1967 The Thundering Sword starring Cheng Pei-pei, and is better than the original (which, admittedly, isn't saying much).

Five Venoms Clan, main hall interior	Five Venoms Clan, walled garden view

Briefly, there's the Five Venoms clan, which is not to be confused with Chang Cheh's Five Venoms even though the latter is a later I Kuang creation as well. There are centipede, scorpion, and whatever sub-clans, but the head honcho is Wang Hsieh who has a lot of concubines. This makes him easily duped by ambitious underlings, one of whom, Lo Lieh, is the obvious choice for treachery even though Chan Shen runs a close second. For some reason the clan master is oblivious to all significant glances and gestures, including the not so subtle demand that he disgorge the ultimate clan weapon...

Angela Yu and Lo Lieh in illicit trysting	Take this robe... and ME! TAKE ME!

... the Spider! The spider is pretty nifty: it is a hand-painted tarantula that stars in most SFX scenes and that murders on sight unless you happen to be on the side whose representative is holding its cage, in which case it does nothing. The spider is not only amazingly discerning in its victimization, but it also casts an electric web (again, carefully avoiding anyone that aforementioned representative does not want killed). The most amazing thing, however, is not its killing power, but its taste... well, ok, I am kidding, I don't know about its taste because nobody in the film actually ate it, but it does look like a good candidate for a tasty souffle.

The manly faces of Ching Li: beggar boy	Yueh Hua is classy

At any rate, the evil underlings want the spider "to combat other clans for the title of premier martial arts clan" or some such nonsense. I take it the Chinese take all this very seriously because the clan leader actually contemplates it for a second. Sensibly, he refuses. The problem is that the spider does not much care who gets to use it, so the potential for abuse of its powers is rife, as we are conveniently shown in the first scene of the movie, which is only peripherally connected to the rest. Naturally, Lo Lieh starts plotting and, since he's got the villainous handsome looks, he proceeds to bed the main concubine (or at least an especially close clan leader of the female persuasion) with access to the master. She is to uncover the secret location of the spider (which can't be that hard considering that for some odd reason the family tomb would make Indian Jones sweat through a visit).

Ching Li: flautist extraordinaire	The womanly faces of Ching Li: irresistible

In a somewhat related story, Ching Li pretends to be a man and nobody notices that she most certainly is not one, no matter how much boogers she wipes with her sleeve off her face. Of course, booger-wiping is a time-honored male occupation that recognizes no regional bounds, so perhaps everyone can be excused for taking this pretty lady for an especially attractive slob. Before long, she crosses paths with Yueh Hua who is investigating the apparent rumors of the Spider's reappearance, rumors initiated by Lo Lieh for some unfathomable reason that has to do with forcing the clan master to divulge its location somehow.

Eavesdropping, hallmark of bad scripting	Wang Chung out-Indies Dr. Jones

Of course, once Yueh Hua lays his eyes on Ching Li, the rest of the story would have to deal with the immediately attraction and consequent veering off from the righteous course of Spider-hunting. Fortunately for the good guys (presumably everyone who is not a member of the five venoms clan, although this is a sufficient but not necessary condition for goodness, as we shall later find out), Yueh Hua's master (Ching Miao) dispatches Lily Li and Wang Chung to make sure their illustrious brother does not wander off after some pretty skirt (or, as it happens in the Chinese case, pretty robe). Wang Chung is strongly motivated by being Wang Chung. Lily Li, on the other hand, has a better motivation: jealousy. We discover her deep feelings for Yueh Hua when she presents him with a robe for his journey with the words "Please, take this robe then ravish me" even though the second part of the sentence was suppressed by the censors.

The manly faces of Ching Li: adolescent boy	More bad scripting - not killing last witness

Warning: some spoilers follow. Not that it would matter, as at this point everything should be clear to any viewer who has seen a Chu Yuan film. Let's recap:

1. Lo Lieh conspires with woman to get ultimate weapon (spider) against wishes of clan leader
2. Yueh Hua is investigating spider rumors (along with Lily Li and Wang Chung)
3. Ching Li is implausibly well-versed in martial arts, appears out of nowhere, has no connection to plot
4. Yueh Hua and Ching Li immediately fall for each other

Conclusion: something must come between Ching Li and Yueh Hua. Since it must be somehow connected to the spider, it will have to do with the Five Venoms clan, whose leader is about to be de-clanned by his evil underling. So, Ching Li is either connected to this leader or to Lo Lieh. It can't be Lo Lieh since he's evil, and young, and is bedding concubines/leaders. Ergo, it has to be the master, who is also conveniently not bad at all seeing how he's refusing to sick the spider on everyone in the martial arts world. Therefore, Ching Li must be his daughter (he's old and has concubines, so she cannot be his wife; plus it would involve adultery, and Ching Li just isn't type-cast in Chu Yuan's films in that way).

Single distressed female & servant	The womanly faces of Ching Li: anxious

The film proceeds to develop the obvious with palpable gusto. Not only does Yueh Hua invade the Five Venoms clan with absolutely no discernible plan in mind, but doing so lands him straight in Ching Li's bed (gotta love the directness) and since he somehow manages to place his hand on her side while being unconscious, he has to immediately pledge to marry her. As if anyone would need such an inducement. Then, the coup occurs and Lo Lieh becomes every evil dude's wet dream. He takes the spider on a tour of the vicinities, especially focusing on rival clans' gathering, a move that was not authorized by either the Humane Society or the spider trainer. I hear he had to fend off two lawsuits for his abuse of spider webs, which does run rampant during the finale.

The womanly faces of Ching Li: soft focus	Yueh Hua tricked into marriage (as all men do)

The finale include the who's who of the martial arts world. Most notable is Ku Feng, who plays a role he will reprise in next year's The Sentimental Swordsman, namely, the role of a martial arts master who insists on attacking everyone he suspects of malfeasance before giving him/her a chance to explain his mistake, thereby straightening him out, and terminating the implausibly convoluted plot instantly. Another notable one is Ouyang Shafei, who does not play a step-mother for a change. Instead she lops her left hand off for waving a sword in close proximity of an innocent girl. There's also Ching Miao who gets to threaten his own real-life daughter Ching Li with dismemberment for being a member of another clan. Xenophobia seems to have been a problem in ancient China.

Death by special effects	The womanly faces of Ching Li: stressed

In the unnecessarily tragic end, everyone weeps. I, for one, was also maudlin on account of the beautiful Ching Li not getting her just deserts. Fans of Chu Yuan fare (like me) will definitely enjoy this film, others may find it both too confusing and way too overblown or contrived as drama. Fight scenes are not a priority here, so don't expect to be dazzled. Plus neither Ching Li nor Lily Li can fight, so they use body doubles, which means that in a fight you will never get to see their faces. Yueh Hua is very nice even though he appears way too indecisive in the last part of the film. Ching Li is absolutely gorgeous, stunning, and alone worth the price of admission.

How to deal with jealous rivals	Ku Feng foreshadows similarly idiotic role

The Celestial Pictures DVD has their normal fake anamorphic widescreen transfer in the correct 2.35:1 aspect ratio. Only the Mandarin soundtrack is available, with nice optional English subtitles. The extras are the usual suspects: a photo gallery, useless production notes, trailers, and short bios of the main leads and the director. Definitely a DVD worth having if you like the film, and who wouldn't.

More special effects mayhem	Don't they ever?

October 7, 2004