Showgirls (1995)

Paul Verhoeven

USA

131 min (NC-17 version), color, English

My relationship with Showgirls was brief and tempestuous: From the moment I picked the DVD from the bin (discount, not garbage) to the moment I triumphantly mailed it to some poor soul who bought it from me on eBay - I don't think it took me more than an hour... and this includes watching the film. Or, more appropriately, the softcore rendering of 99% of the porn out there, except that this time it starred the breasts and vulva of Elizabeth Berkley, which are not to be confused with the breasts and vulva of Jenna Jameson which can act circles around the decaf vegan imitation in Verhoeven's film.

Berkley is Nomi, a one-time prostitute and drug addict, who goes to the moral Mecca that is Las Vegas to become a highly-paid prostitute and indulge in even more expensive drugs. In the biz, this is known as being a showgirl. It turns out that the showgirl world is just as sleazy, cutthroat, and boring as we have all imagined. From rubbing beer-swilling hirsute guys with questionable hygiene to exchanging pleasantries with less than happy colleagues, this line of work does not really have much going for it unless you count the occasional free drink after hours.

Nomi gets a break when some biz guy sees her breasts, and from this point on the film rises to the epic level of a porn parody. It just does not seem right when Hollywood finds the time, money, and desire to satirize Wild Wrestling Sex #22. The film is all about Nomi trying to displace Cristal (Gina Gershon who should have known better) from Zack's (Kyle MacLachlin) bed, while simultaneously maintaining a close friendship with some friend of hers and some black dude who can't dance but thinks he's very talented. When her friend is beaten to a pulp by a poodle-impersonating singer, Nomi beats him up to a pulp, ending the orgy of gratuitous violence by nailing him with her high heel, or something like this, in what I can only assume was a summary of Eszterhas' conception of feminist justice.

Because of the l00% meat-free diet, we were spared the sight of the MacLaughin' piece, although I understand he tried really hard to get an on-screen part for it. The moral watchdogs said "Nyet," and so he was reduced to rubbing his oily flesh against Ms. Berkley's no less oily skin. If this does not repulse you enough, think about sitting through over two hours of what was surely Verhoeven's and Eszterhas' excuse to see lots of nekkid bimbos and rub canola oil over their bodies.

Contrary to what you might have heard about the uncompromising look at the vicious underbelly of the entertainment industry, this film is no social critique. And that's even charitably assuming that (a) people did not know about the vicious underbelly of the entertainment industry, and (b) even if they did, people gave a hoot about said belly. Neither the director nor the writer have any sense of decorum or even good taste. How they manage to rob even beautiful women of sex appeal is something I will never understand, although I suspect oily rubbing has something to do with it. Compared to the vileness of this film, Robocop was downright heart-warming. I have to take Verhoeven & Co. at their word about the world of highly paid prostitution, which makes me wonder how Las Vegas manages to survive.

Verhoeven has recently taken to casting female breasts instead of big steely man breasts as he did in Robocop and Total Recall. I must admit I much prefer this trend although I have to question the casting decision to replace Denise Richards' breasts with those of Ms. Berkley. After all, the two Richards floatation devices held their own against marauding alien slugs in Starship Troopers and performed admirably against that other invading alien slug Matt Dillon in Wild Things (although it is hard to tell whose breasts really took the beating there: hers or Neve Campbell's).

Wholesome entertainment for the entire family. If your family is composed of Jerry Springer-starring refutations of Darwinism that is. Avoid at all costs and keep some of the innocence you still have. This is just as bad as the gajillion viewers said it is.

January 12, 2003.