A Place to Call Home (Yu Nu Qin Qing, 1969)

Wu Chia Hsiang

Hong Kong

89 min, color, Mandarin (English subtitles)

Review © 2004 Branislav L. Slantchev

This is the worst Shaw Brothers film I have seen thus far (over forty-five, and these include such dogs as Young People). The film features a stellar cast, including baby-queen Li Ching in the lead role, and yet is such a dud, its creator would have been shot for sabotage had he been a wartime arms-maker. As it is, Wu Chia Hsiang was given artistic license to maim and kill with maudlin melodrama and awful musical numbers.

Gratuitous shot of Irene Chen I-ling	Gratuitous shot of Margaret Hsing Hui

The film concerns Ivy (Li Ching), a high school student who is about to graduate, and at twenty years, she already looks like someone who should have been out of high school some time ago, who really loves her family. And I mean she really loves them in that sickening way that only 1960s films can pretend that teenagers love their families. It takes a lot of bravado to pull this off with a straight face, and the film's undoing begins from the very first moment we're introduced to the setting. I mean, does anybody really believe that there are obedient high-school students running around their houses telling their parents how much they love them, making tea, and fighting over who will carry Dad's bag when get gets home from work? Parental wet dreams excluded.

Happy in a non-Greek-tragedy way	Suckered by two ruffians

There are even a few musical numbers where kids profess undying tender care for their families in verse. At a birthday party. In front of their friends. You cannot pay a teenager to sing such nonsense and even threatening bodily harm would probably produce no more than out of tune snickering. So it's bad, but in some very unGreek tragic way. There is no visible dysfunction in this family and within the first 10 minutes I was already hoping that Mother (Quyang Shafei) had a secret addiction to the "mother's little helper" to get her through the doubtlessly dull and dreary days of playing Mahjong and feeling utterly worthless; or that Father (Yan Jun) had at least some nubile mistress on the side. But all my hopes were dashed by that bland and sterile all-goodness that is as bad for your health as it is totally implausible.

Li Ching riding Margaret Hsing Hui	Scars for life

The one bright ray of hope appears in the delectable form of Margaret Hsing Hui, who plays Irene, Ivy's younger sister. No, she is happy with the family too (unfortunately), but she is also in love with her older sis' beau, who happens to be one of the most wooden actors east of Keanu Reeves, who also lacks the saving grace of being handsome. Why two perfectly nice women would fall for this dude will remain a mystery forever locked in the script-writing grave of Yi Fang. Well, Irene is unhappy that Ivy gets to wear both her beau and the nice new dress that their mother has sewn her. But what can she do? Apart from telling Ivy that she's adopted, that is?

Overdozed? Li Ching has left the building	Gratuitous shot of Li Ching

The perfectly manicured world of Ivy quickly comes crashing down as she learns the awful truth when Irene blurts it out shortly after she overhears their parents talk about it. At this very moment the parents happen to stumble into the bedroom and the first opportunity (of many) to stop the train wreck in its tracks arises. Whatever happened to telling white lies? It would have solved so many (all) of the problems in this film, one would have been forgiven not to make a film at all. I understand that there's some subtlety involved in answering such tricky questions as 'am I adopted?', so here's what I would have said if I were Ivy's foster father (this handles just about every contingency that might arise):

Ivy: Was I adopted?
Me: No.

Unfortunately, it was not I who was writing the script but Yi Fang, so the conversation ends with Ivy in tears and on heavy sedation.

Kao Pao Shu: birth mother by day	Leering at the goods in a step-fatherly way

Thankfully, the heavy sedation turns out to be a ruse. But Ivy does run to the orphanage to inquire about the whereabouts of her biological parents. There are many points in the film where a little fudging of the truth would have helped matters immensely and made everyone happier. For example, if I were Ivy's dad and I spilled the beans about her origins, we would have had a follow-up chat:

Ivy: Can I meet my real mother?
Me: She's dead.

I mean what foster parent in his right mind would actually encourage his kid to wander off in search for some woman who got laid twenty years ago and then dumped the proceedings at an orphanage?

Kao Pao Shu: "factory worker" by night	Implausible boyfriend failed rescue

But search Ivy goes, and find Ivy does. After spending an excruciating 30 minutes basking in everyone's jealousy (in a good way) of her happy family, after breaking into a song on the subject of her most illustrious and extremely congenial family, and after regaling her boyfriend with musings on the pain of not having a proper family, Ivy bolts to her birth mother faster than her foster dad can say "What, the fuck, was I thinking?"

Not checking her temperature	Explaining the secrets of low-income survival

Then we learn that life south of middle class is really bad. Ivy's birth mother (Kao Pao Shu, who should have known better than agree to appear in a flimsy dress to play a drunk sailor's catch) turns out to be somewhat not that well to do, what, with no limousine, chauffeurs, or even a dinky maid. She does have Sai (Yang Chi-ching) but he is an abusive gambler with dubious moral fibre. No sooner than Ivy's biological mum fibs by telling her newly-found daughter that she is a "factory worker", Sai drools over Ivy's fresh body in a most unseemly fashion.

Irene Chen soothes and smoothes	Gratuitous shot of Li Ching

There is no sense in telling what happens next, suffice to say that Yi Fang misses the bull's eye of good melodrama by about a parsec or two. You cannot really root for the good girl when she's truly annoying, and ungrateful, and when her foster parents behave most unreasonably. The stiff performances only highlight the absolutely dismal dialogue that the actors are forced to spew, making them appear incoherent in the middle of grammatically correct sentences. And singing? What, the hell, was Wu thinking? When the final communist-sounding sing-along came about, I was not paying attention to the screen: I was busy fighting my sister who had tried prying the knife out of my hands just as I was starting to slash my wrists. She won, of course, or else this review would have been all in blood. As it is right now, it's just in tears.

Ouyang Shafei empathizes with Li Ching	Audience reaction

The Celestial DVD is much better than this film deserves. It comes with the usual 2.35:1 fake anamorphic widescreen with the lush colors that are the only distinguishing feature of this production. Only the Mandarin soundtrack is included and unfortunately you can hear every last note in the musical numbers, including the none too subtle cutting that destroys the rhythmical patterns. The DVD also has a photo gallery, talent files, and trailers. Certainly to be avoided at all costs.

October 11, 2004