Night of the Assassins
(Chi haak lit chuen, 1981)

Pao Hsieh Li

Hong Kong

95 min, color, dubbed in English

Review © 2005 Branislav L. Slantchev

Despite starring Shaw Brothers regulars like David Chiang and Shih Szu and being helmed by the usually competent Pao Hsieh Li, this independent production is a complete mess that commits the one unforgivable sin of any entertainment: it is very, very boring. Not only is it tedious to watch on account of a rather dumb story, but for a martial arts film the swordplay was quite unimpressive, at best. I freely admit to wanting to see this film simply because Shih Szu is in it, but even she was wasted in the role of a musician (at least that's what I think she was, she could have been a courtesan although she most certainly was not a "geisha," as the English dub would have it). Even she could not save it for me.

Seeking revenge: the oldest motivator	Gratuitous shot of Shih Szu

Set in the historical past of the Warring States period in China when, well states were warring and people did not have money for good set design, this film is ostensibly a simple revenge story wrapped as a rousing adventure that could have been exciting had it not been for its utter stupidity. Master Wu (Ko Keung) is an important official in the kingdom of Shu. He is an obstructionist (in the venerable Chinese tradition of officials taking Confucius too seriously and running afoul of the kings who did not take kindly to their lofty concern with common people, preference for light taxation and a shorter working week). So the king has his family murdered but in an astounding show of incompetence fails to off Wu himself, who flees to the neighboring kingdom of Wu.

Unbelievable that they would appear in this film	No tigers were harmed in the making of this movie

Master Wu is so obsessed with avenging his family's slaughter that a brief five-day delay during which he is forced to sit idle and play the flute upsets him enough to get his hair to turn gray. Now, a deep resentment and hate propelling the character to seek revenge in a monomaniacal fashion is nothing new, but it could have been presented in a somewhat more interesting light. After all, in his desire to destroy the king, Wu is prepared to go to great lengths, including helping the rival kingdom invade his homeland for the purpose. Wu could have been presented as the Chinese version of Alcibiades, causing the downfall of the entire state that had rejected him.

Cropping gone wild	David Chiang manages to look dignified

But that's not what is going to happen. When he arrives in Wu, he accidentally saves Master Kwang (Danny Lee), a high official in that kingdom who shares Wu's anti-royal impulses. Now, the king of Wu (Wong Ching) is bad news, and not just because of bucked teeth, abrasive manner, and unselfconscious parading of low IQ. He has taken to building a new palace right after a costly war, making the people suffer. I guess that makes him a bad ruler, and so he is ripe for deposing unless he mends his ways by heeding the sound advice of Kwang. Unfortunately, instead of listening to Kwang, the king resolves to have him killed for causing him indigestion.

Happy family life of an assassin	Gratuitous shot of Shih Szu (different hair style)

The attempted assassination involves two fake tigers and naturally fails. In response, Kwang decides to off the king, and in this he finds Wu a willing co-conspirator. But for some unfathomable reason, Wu does not want to cut down the king himself even though he is an excellent swordsman. He recruits Kwan Chu (David Chiang) who is almost, but not quite, that good. After saving Kwan Chu's love-interest Yan Yan (Shih Szu) from the clutches of a king's general, the two scheming officials quickly get them married and established in a residence of their own. There, Kwan Chu trains to stick knives in straw men by day, and makes love to Yan Yan by night. Of the two, the latter is not just much more pleasurable, but also results in something tangible: a son.

Too horrible even to contemplate	David Chiang dreaming to do unto his agent...

Yeah, that's right, the assassination plot is apparently taking many years to hatch. In fact, it takes so long that two things happen. First, Kwan Chu loses patience and attempts a premature abortive attack on the king that ends rather badly. As an assassin, he really has a long way to go. Second, the king of Shu dies of old age, leaving Wu disconsolate that he would not be able to exact his revenge. For some reason, this does not stop him from plotting to kill the king of Wu or facilitate an invasion of Shu. It's all rather muddy, but by this point I have completely lost interest in following any part of the story, and I am just waiting for Shih Szu to show up, which she does, but not quite often enough. Although she is stunning to look at, her role of an obedient wife just does not sit well with her, and anyone who has seen her in the more traditional casting as a heroine will miss her badly.

I have a plan: I kill myself, and...	Gratuitous shot of Shih Szu (different angle)

At any rate, when the king acquires a new concubine as war booty (I think she is played by Angie Chiu, but I cannot be sure), he decides to do two things: invade Shu---for which purpose he is tricked into sending his two best and most faithful generals who have repeatedly demonstrated how incompetent and easily duped they are, and organize a contest between his concubine and Yan Yan. This provides the natural opportunity for the conspirators, and so they prepare thoroughly, although the preparation seems to consist mostly of giving speeches to underlings. For some odd reason, Kwan Chu's mother commits suicide. She claims it is because she does not want to burden them if they have to flee, but this appears a bit premature. Not only may they succeed but even if they fail, she will have plenty of time to kill herself then. My guess is that Chiu Ting just had to get out of this film no matter what.

Danny Lee at lowest point in career	Cannot believe her husband is such a wanker

The final assassination is ridiculous. Yan Yan stabs herself, presumably to distract the king long enough to enable her husband/assassin to finish him off. But the incompetent botches up the job, and a melee ensues. The fighting is really bad, and as someone who has spent years pushing pins into a straw man, Kwan Chu performs exactly as one would expect. In the end, there's one severed head although the splashing of blood on the curtain was much more dramatically satisfying than the close-up of the obviously fake head. By the time the couple died in each other's arms with their kid crying, I was crying too. (You would be crying as well if you had to sit through this.)

Failing to assassinate for gazillionth time	Appropriate finale

The Crash Cinema DVD is atrocious. The film looks like it has been sourced from a fifth-generation VHS tape. Do not let the screen caps in this review fool you, I have touched them with Photoshop for color, contrast, levels, and even aspect ratio. The film is cropped badly, and this is no pan-scan where at least they would take care to reframe the scenes to show the main subjects properly. This one is centered and then cropped. The result is awful: most of the scenes consist of noses sticking from the two ends of the frame talking to each other. Many directors use widescreen to position characters at extreme ends of the frame, and this here is what happens when you cut 25% of the picture from either side. Add to this the washed out colors, the scratches, the flickering, the occasional pixellation, and you have a practically unwatchable release. To top it off, the English dub is grating, with the sound effects being particularly annoying. A bad film on a worse DVD, this one is best avoided. Unless you love Shih Szu. But even then, you're better off with my screen caps.

December 25, 2005