Lust for Frankenstein (1998)

Jess Franco

Spain

87 min (explicit European version), color, English

Absolutely unwatchable, pathetic, and repulsive outing by sleaze-maestro Jess Franco, who used to be able to make flicks that, although boring, trashy, and uninteresting, somehow managed to avoid the utter gloom that has descended on his work in the last 10 years.

The DVD cover screams about many things this film is not and if I had the time, I would have sued Shock-o-Rama for blatantly misrepresenting the contents. For one, the gorgeous chicks on the cover are nowhere to be seen in the film, even though one of them is scream queen and sometimes porn star Michelle Bauer who does "star" in the schlock-o-rama but looks much worse than in the photo. For another, the "explicit European" version has nothing explicit about it although I have to confess to not watching the American cut which appears to be shorter. In fact, I have to admit to not sitting through the end of the film, so this review will be based on about 60 minutes of it (more than sufficient, believe me).

Briefly, the incredibly old and unattractive Lina Romay (come on, dude, she has been past her prime for two decades now, give the old hag a chance not to shake her booty --- it is creepy and abhorrent) is Moira, the daughter of Dr. Frankenstein, who does not like her widowed step-mother. This perverted mon has taken to fellating young men and forcing the impressionable Moira to participate in scenes that barely make for G-rated stuff. Anyway, Moira discovers the hibernating body of another of her dad's experiments, this time of a woman. The monster, whose name is Goddess is played by the aging Michelle Bauer. (This is the occasion of my huge gripe against Franco's latest sin: he somehow managed to deprive Michelle of her entire sex appeal even though she still looks great. How he did this, I will never know.)

The rest, as they say, is history. Moira falls in love with Goddess (I refuse to go into details about what caused her to do so) and goes on a wild sex-spree that includes killing a bunch of people. I think I stopped watching after the umpteenth violent ass-shaking by Lina.

Shot on video from the hip, the film has absolutely no redeeming values whatsoever. Even Franco admirers (if there are any left) should be making funeral pyres with copies of this film. Avoid like the plague. On second thought, I think I will go out now and get bitten by some nasty rodent just to die and forget having seen (parts of) this film.

February 24, 2003