Forbidden Planet (1956)

Fred M. Wilcox

USA

98 min, color, English

This film usually winds up near the top-ten of many science fiction fans and quite a few actually rank it higher than Star Wars (the original episodes of course, almost anything ranks higher than the new crap). I bought my Forbidden Planet DVD after reading the breathless review at DVD Verdict, where the guys rave on and on about it so much I now actually think they all work for MGM.

I was quite prepared for the dated special effects, the over-the-top acting, the now-trite story, and all the rest. Still, I cannot say that I liked the film. Actually, what I can say is that I did not care much for it. Forget the zany silliness and political incorrectness, they are all goofy and refreshing. What I must object to is the so-called "intelligent" Freudian story that we're being shamelessly fed by the film-makers.

Maybe "monsters from the id" are enough to impress the college-gone-but-not-really-educated crowd that is so pleased with itself for recognizing the word "id" that it utterly neglects the banality and the stupidity of the subconsciously-generated mayhem. Yeah, sure, we are all our worst enemies... Maybe. Even in this film the good super-enhanced Morbius is actually a danger to just about everyone else except himself. But if this is the statement, then it is not particularly interesting either. So we can all be dangers to others. I, for example, am particularly dangerous when driving after seeing a stupid film.

The story is completely bland but this is not the fault of the makers. After all, it was perhaps quite innovative for 1956. A group of Earth colonists zap themselves with hyperdrives or some other such anti-physics contraption to the planet of Nevermind-It-Does-Not-Matter. They disappear. Twenty years later Earth sends a rescue team to check out on the colonists presumed disappeared. The commander is John Adams (Leslie Nielsen, who is more obnoxious as the dashing young starman than as an old funny cop) whose style is to basically yell at everyone in sight, preferably through a ridiculously phallic microphone, disregard good advice, and assault the opposite sex with a barrage of words and kisses. All quite repulsive actually.

Anyway, they reach the planet and in the very first communication the colonist Dr. Morbius (Walter Pidgeon) tells them to go away. They don't, of course, but instead land on a nicely painted set. Then the robot Robbie shows up to annoy the hell out of me. Why, in the world, do people like him? Somebody explain this puzzle to me. I mean, sure, he can speak 188 languages (C3-PO did thousands) and he can make out of thin air every possible molecule in any possible size, shape, or form. This is put to good use in making dresses for Morbius' daughter Altaira (Anne Francis) who sports skirts shorter than my attention span.

Naturally, the Captain goes after her big time and she cannot resist him. Not that she tries a lot. I mean, she swam butt-naked just to get him to pull his head out of his... never mind. After a lot of excruciatingly stiff and unimaginative dialogue, Morbius tells the newcomers that there was a great civilization of Nevermind-the-Name-It's-Quite-Stupid-Anyway. These nimrods apparently achieved almost everything and then instead of having the everything they have achieved, they attempt to disembody themselves and float like the holy ghost above the primordial nothingness. They disembody themselves all right but in ways not quite foreseen by even the smartest of them. The ways apparently involve a dangerously unscary invisible cartoon character that is as impressive as he is biologically probable.

Then everyone except the good guy and the girl dies. Well, almost everyone. Well, make that "a few". More importantly, the plant is blown up but Robbie makes it, to my consternation. There's also a final atrocious scene where Adams gropes Altaira in front of his crew. This is just further proof of how stupid the commander is. Would you fondle a semi-naked woman in front of twenty full-blooded sailors who have not seen a woman for a year? I thought so.

Forget the laughable special effects and forget the laughable specious philosophy. What really got on my nerves was the acting. With the exception of Pidgeon who was tolerable, everyone else hammed his boringly type-cast role the best they could. From the Cookie (supposed comic relief but really one of the major offenders) to the good Captain and Alta who had the chemistry of a log and hatchet respectively. I am not even going to mention the absolutely horrifyingly and innovatively cruel electronic score that they slapped on what would otherwise have been simply a below-average effort.

So what if this made movie history? So what if the themes have been endlessly copied and imitated? So what if Robbie is famous? All this make for an important film. But entertaining it ain't anymore.

February 5, 2003