2019: After the Fall of New York
(2019 - Dopo la caduta di New York, 1983)

Sergio Martino

Italy / France

91 min, color, English (dub)

Review © 2007 Branislav L. Slantchev

It may be a reaction to Bush's recent speech about "surging" in Iraq, I don't know, but I have suddenly developed an urge to see films about the end of the world. More precisely, some of those trashy post-apocalyptic rip-offs of everything from Escape from New York to Mad Max (or was it The Road Warrior?) At any rate, where better to turn to when it comes to exploitation imitations of American disaster movies done without the budget, without any pretense of anything else but cashing in on the success of the prototypes, and with lots of cheesy effects on account of strange fascination with the theatrically fantastic? Italy, of course. No other country has produced so many of these knock-offs to turn the whole shebang into a form of art itself.

Way before global warming inundated it and the new ice age froze it	Too many things wrong with this picture

In at least one genre (Westerns), the Italians arguably created something quite unique, something that can easily rival the originals they were paying homage to. But it did not take much to do so: go to a desert in Spain (looks just like Southern Utah) or fly to Monument Valley where you could get the Navajos to allow you to film on the cheap. Money was no object because it was not needed. Disaster films are quite different: they stand or fall on their special effects, and it is here that the lack of funding is most evident. No wonder Italy never quite made it when it comes to these nuclear holocaust epics. Let's just say that this outing makes Escape from New York seem like a lavish production on the order of Ben Hur by comparison.

Government crash certification test site	Post-apocalyptic sight-seeing at the Mittens

When the Italians are not putting washed-up have-beens from the US in their films, they manage to attract some really interesting characters. For this film, they got the model Michael Sopkiw, who manages a fairly convincing imitation of Kurt Russell, to play Parsifal. Yes, that's right, hint, hint. Parsifal of the Holy Grain quest fame. What, you're not up on your German medieval romances? Tsk, tsk. How about Percival, one of the Knights of the Round Table from the Arthurian legend? No bells ringing? Okay, then we shall dispense with the literary allusions and just mention that the guy's name is an indicator that he will be doing a search for something of crucial importance, a matter of life and death for the human race. (No, not the quest to recover the censored footage with Nicole Kidman from Eyes Wide Shut.) The other beautiful person they have is the French actress Valentine Monnier who strangely reminds me of Tawny Kitaen. I almost expected to see a bunch of hairy poodles to jump out of the industrial wasteland that was supposed to represent post-nuclear New York and start "Deeper the Love." (The death scene near the end actually does deliver in that respect but without the singing.)

Licensed to kill with ennui	We are here for the Magic Tour bus

The story is that there was a nuclear war and the United States lost to some political entity that seems to be an odd concoction of Europeans, Asians, and Africans (not very subtly to have the world unite against the US but I wonder if the Italians just forgot the Latin Americans or they thought they were not worthy of inclusion). So this mighty conglomerate has conquered the United States and is now mostly sitting in the Lincoln Tunnel and periodically emerging to test new flamethrowers on some disfigured Manhattanites. (No, not just the old ladies with ugly dogs.) These are appropriately called the Euraks probably because Eurasians was a mouthful. Strangely, I did not see a single Asian or African among these Euraks. But I did see a lot of very white Europeans. So it's not exactly the post-racial paradise that the name seems to imply. Propaganda as usual, I guess.

Anti-semitic mace action	Gratuitous shot of Valentine Monnier

When they are not thrashing locals or pretending to be at a Medieval Tournament reenactment party, these guys doff their dorky helmets, get off their really nice and totally un-post-apocalyptic Andalusian horses and engage in some bizarre medical experiments. At least that's what we are told for we never actually get to see any medical experiment, bizarre or at least mildly unusual. We do get to see an eye operation but it seemed routine rather than experimental to me. At any rate, the genetic mumbo-jumbo is all supposed to overcome the infertility problem. Yes, that's right, humanity has managed to render itself infertile with the nukes. And now we can no longer reproduce. No babies. Meaning you don't need condoms anymore. But that's not what worries our guys. They care about "the future" (tm) and they want to see humanity survive. Why? So they can dump it on Alpha Centauri. Yeah, don't ask, I don't know either.

Random violence against Sinead O'Connor fan survivors	Pretends to be in King Lear

Somehow, the underground government of the United States that governs what appears to be one room has managed to learn that there is one fertile woman somewhere in Manhattan. How they did that from a bunker in Alaska will remain a mystery although the fact that said bunker was a badly done miniature set may have something to do with it. Like maybe the government is not really in exile but is somewhere in Las Vegas? And who would be able to tell there whether the post-apocalypse has come or passed? So they kidnap our hero Parsifal just as he's doing the "Born to Be Wild" in Monument Valley with a hooker (slave) on the back of his chopper. He's also fresh from a nifty car contest where only four people died, as he is fresh from killing three dudes who drank radioactive water and started vomiting green slime in defiance of any physiological symptoms known to me. Much like Russell's Snake, Parsifal gets roped in to do the quest despite his existentialist angst that makes him a misanthrope or at least a fairly cynical human being.

It's appropriate that the evil Euraks would be Picasso aficionados	Humane interrogation technique as approved by Amnesty International

We also get some vague hints of his anti-technological proclivities: the guy hates cyborgs. No, not because he disapproves of the colored wires in their skulls but because... who the hell knows. But they are bad and he hates them. Don't forget this for it will become important in the end when his Luddite tendencies will cost him dearly. After these not so subtle hints, we know that at least one, and possibly both, of his chosen partners will not be quite human. Naturally, it's not going to be the one with a visible mechanical appendage. This unexplained anti-tech bias in the film is only outdone by the vehement anti-dwarf propaganda later on when dozens of the little people get eliminated without any discernible reason and some even get rats to feed on them (although a closeup of a "rat" munching on human flesh reveals it to be a guinea pig).

The 21st century version of Procrustes' Bed	I'd rather wear contacts

When the action runs low on disfigured puss-leaking Manhattanites filmed in repulsive closeups, it switches to tracking hundreds of man-eating rats, and when this gets old and there are no dwarves left to kill, the film suddenly veers into the distinctly surreal which could either be because of the writers getting bouts of inspiration between watching episodes of Planet of the Apes or because at least one of them is a rabid animal-rights extremist. I am talking about the apes led by Big Ape (George Eastman). While they may seem uncouth (attempting to hack your guest of honor while he sleeps or raping his woman are not hallmarks of polite society where you always have to say "Please" before engaging in such activities), the monkey-men are sympathetically portrayed. In fact, Eastman gets a very neat scene a-la Beauty and the Beast with the sleeping Mother of All Mankind lying naked for the ape to propagate his semen through her. As I said, ambiguity is not the film-makers' forte.

This ape has serious manhood issues	Your hair smells delicious. Oil of Olay?

Overall, an enjoyable if mindless fare of the type where any attempt to see logic or ask questions is bound to destroy the film's tenuous grip on our attention. I hear these post-apocalyptic Italian extravaganzas are making a comeback and if this release is any indication, this may indeed be so. I am at a loss as to accounting for this sudden interest except that it's the same people who liked it 20 years ago but who now get to enjoy the miniature sets in full anamorphic glory. The film itself is quite tame in terms of violence and there's no sex. It also tells the story with a straight face that will surely appear awkward at best and hilarious at worst to a modern audience. Unless you are primed, the cheesy special effects will have you scratch your head in wonder (why would you make your anti-vehicle road spikes glow in the dark if your goal is for said vehicle to run into them? and why did the guns make that swoosh sound? and why did they kill all those people they needed for vivisection? did they realize what "vivi" means in that word?)

And then Beast defrosted the Beauty	How dare you impale yourself on the carburetor?

I have to say that the leads are utterly adorable. Both Sopkiw and Monnier are quite pretty and there's undeniable chemistry between them. I was very partial to the penultimate scene in the desert despite the truly corny dialogue "Life is love and love is life" or some such dreck that the director claims was their stab at sending a "positive message." That the supposed message was entirely offset by the reality that the fertile woman was impregnated by an ape should be ignored. As the few select lift off in space ship for Alpha Centauri, we are left wondering just how we are expected to interpret that hope for the future (that's why I said there must have been a PETA extremist among the writers). And, by the way, why did the President abandon ship with the lame excuse that he would not be able to tolerate the G forces. As the lift-off sequence made clear, there were no such forces in evidence: no belts, no inertia, not even a slight tremor. At first I thought that they had tricked Parsifal and he was in a bunker with a bunch of dudes pretending to operate a spaceship for his benefit. But then I realized it was one of these futuristic ships with antigrav devices. But if that was so, why did the President use the acceleration as an excuse? As I said, thinking is strictly verboten.

Note anti-vehicle objects that can stop anything except a car	What directions? We're in a freaking desert!

I rented the Shriek Show DVD. It presents the film in anamorphic widescreen at its OAR of 1.85:1. The print looks very good (for what it is), and the quality of the transfer belies the quality of the material. I listened to the Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack (a stereo option is also available) and although it was serviceable, the English dub left a bit to be desired. There are several scenes were the speech is barely audible (e.g., the announcer at the race in the desert) but overall it works. There are no subtitles. The extras include a gallery of promo materials, a trailer, and interviews with the talkative director Martino, and the actors George Eastman and Hal Yamanouchi (who played the Rat Eater King under the delusion that he was in King Lear). Of the three, I found Eastman most entertaining but Martino was by far the most informative. If you want to see some heads blown off, limbs hacked off, rats feeding on people, eyes gouged out (and inserted back in), incinerations, and lots of people with disfigured faces and slimy stuff oozing out of their skin, then by all means buy this disc. For those of us who have not lost all sense of decorum, this is a strict rental.

January 12, 2007