Shaqi Errenzu (100 Ways to Murder Your Wife, 1986)

Kenny Bee

Hong Kong

92 min, color, Cantonese (English subtitles)

This is a film that dangles a promising premise just to yank it away with no mercy. It does not show 100 ways to murder your wife. It does not even show a paltry 50 ways to do it. In fact, it shows fewer than 10 ways, and although some of them were admittedly creative, they were all, without exception, hare-brained because they did not accomplish the task! So, as a manual of getting rid of the spouse, this film sadly fails. Can its comedic content redeem it?

What comedic content? I mean, two nincompoop footballers decide to kill each other's wives in a fit of drunken stupor. Roberto (Kenny Bee) is peeved because his stunning wife Fang (Anita Mui) is a bit of a shrew. I mean, how much nagging about eating in your undies in front of the telly can an honest man possibly tolerate? Death to the bitch! Fat (Chow Yun-Fat) is peeved because his stunning wife Hsiao Hsien (Joey Wang) is friendly with the help. I mean, how much smiling at the gay doctor can an honest man possibly tolerate? Death to the bitch!

So the two brain surgeons hatch a scheme that would have Agatha Cristie weep with envy: Fat will kill Fang and in return Roberto will kill Hsiao Hsien. No sooner than they seal the deal with the time-honored manly throwing up on each other, Fat goes to do the deed. Unfortunately, Fang is just about to slaughter a chicken in her kitchen, so instead she nearly skewers Fat on her mat. Roberto, the darn fool, falls asleep and forgets the whole plot. In the morning, the two wake up to the (mistaken) realization that Fat has dispatched Fang to the place from which evil ghosts come back to wreak terrible revenge on their unworthy ex-husbands (no, not the lawyers' office).

Anyhow, after a bit of mourning, Roberto sets out to console Fat by dispatching his wife with alacrity befitting a stupid footballer. It is to kill her that the supposed 100 plots are hatched. There are some really promising ones (piranhas in the swimming pool, exploding a gas line by lighting it with a lens), some gruesomely repulsive ones (a blade to slice the body in two), and some downright abusive ones (electrocution in a pool with a big-screen TV). Needless to say, all of these fail (otherwise, it would have been a whodunit, not a comedy) and, what's worse, the not-dead Fang returns to haunt her husband. Now that's just plain wrong: why would she pretend to be a perfectly good ghost and ruin it for everyone?

Ok, so where's the comedy? Maybe the film would have been a bit funny if it weren't so damn offensive. If you don't believe me, you should check out the ending. So, let me get this straight: after the two women realize that their hubbies have been desperately trying to kill them, they pout for a day or two, visit a nightclub, go on a sight-seeing tour, and finally reconcile with said hubbies in a 'happily ever after' type of ending! That's not comedy, that's a farce, and a bad one too. You don't have to be feminist to have a field day with this nonsense.

Pluses? Joey and Anita in early roles before they made it big. Very nice. Chow in the unusual role of an insanely jealous husband (acceptable). Kenny can't act to save his life. Apparently, he can't direct either. Minuses? Read above.

The Deltamac DVD is the perfect match for this film. Muddy colors, so-so letterboxed picture and an awful Cantonese remix. The stuff dreams are made of.

May 31, 2003