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The Duel of the Century
(Liu xiao feng zhi jue zhan qian hou, 1981)

Chu Yuan

Hong Kong

94 min, color, Mandarin (English subtitles)

Review © 2005 Branislav L. Slantchev

The cover sleeve claims that this was one of the last collaborations between Chu Yuan and novelist Ku Lung, the latter being the master of the convoluted plot and the former being the master of not adapting it properly to the big screen. If that's true, then they must have decided to go out with a bang, or at least to induce so much confusion in the audience that nobody would actually notice them leave. If you thought The Water Margin had too many characters, wait until you try to follow this doozie.

Glorious upkeep of the red shirt tradition Random violence against furniture

I have no prayer of getting this straight and even if I diagram everything and present it to you with an organizational chart you still won't be able to follow, so I guess there's not much chance of giving away anything that would make any sense. But I want to make a valiant attempt just for fun. First things first. There are only three ladies in this film (ouch!), and both Ching Li and Linda Chu appear for about two minutes total, while the spunky Yeung Jing-Jing has even less screen time than that, and almost all of it is spent in the background. What a damn shame too, as Ching Li is supposedly the prime mover behind the former hero's rather inglorious fall from honor.

Gratuitous shot of Linda Chu The cool and the clueless

OK, so let's see. Lu Xiaofeng (Liu Yung) is the meddlesome and extremely annoying arrogant bastard that goes around beating people up with derision and superior martial arts. He's very famous, very nice to everyone (heck, he even smiles to people whose throats he's about to slit), and always on the side of the Good against Evil. He's also a bit stupid. Actually, he's quite a dolt when it comes down to it. At least in one scene of this film, a character in fact says that he's an idiot! So this guy is at the very center of a conspiracy to remove the Emperor and install his illegitimate brother in his stead, a complicated scheme hatched by the Dalai Lama who has nothing better to do.

Some stance or whatever Lu's famous Tickling Sword technique

Here's a summary of the three main characters and what they try to do:

Hate crime! Homophobes in the house! Early Zildjian commercial

Now, it would have been an easy thing to keep track of these guys and their ladies if it weren't for the proliferation of secondary characters who nobody knows are secondary until they get themselves killed a minute after being introduced. So we have an entire scene with Monk Xing Tung (Chan Kwok Kuen) who then gets black circles under his eyes but not because of lack of sleep. We also have Wax Man Jiang (Gam Biu) who makes figurines: he's not killed but gagged, and an impostor (Cheung Ying) has taken his place, the impostor does get killed. Then there's the Eunuch Wang (Tang Ching) who is accompanied by the round-faced nameless guy who is seemingly quite important and will turn out to be the emperor wanna-be (Lau Siu-Kwan), and a stone-faced lama (Lam Wai) whose role is to die after nodding thoughtfully once. Then, of course, there's the fake Ye (Sek Gong) and the treacherous Kuo (Ngaai Fei).

Trade you these two dolls for a Power Ranger Pfui! It's DIET Pepsi!

This about rounds up the bad dudes, although I have to mention the gay bar scene. It's interesting not only because it introduces yet another bad guy with the life span of a moth (Yeung Hung as swinging Brother Pockmarks) but because it's the first every raunchy gay scene that I have seen in a Chinese film. Now, suggestive manly bonding that comes as close to homoeroticism as a prudish censor would allow is quite mainstream, at least since Chang Cheh started undressing and bloodying his leads in various heroic poses. I have also seen red light establishments of the common hetero variety in many films too. But I cannot recall ever seeing a fully gay club, complete with effeminate patrons who nearly rape the hapless Lu (very handsome, with these raven locks cascading down his shoulders). Of course, in true affirmation of one's threatened manhood, Lu rips the place apart, with not a few horny guys ending with their heads stuck through windows, walls, and other surfaces.

So let us tell you about our plans... Gratuitous shot of Ching Li

Anyway, I have not even mentioned the other guys who help Lu in his often meaningless investigations. We have Hua Manlou (Sun Chien) who is very wise but blind as a bat, so his role is to ponder the meaning of what Lu has failed to do and why, and then to pronounce his conclusions in a ponderous tone to give them depth they hardly have. Everyone then nods gravely and respectfully. Hermit Pine (Shum Lo) is apparently a good cook, so that's about the extent of his involvement. Sikong Zhaixing, king of thieves, is confusingly played by Lung Tin Sang who sports such a ridiculous moustache that Nietzsche would have envied him. He does have his uses, like robbing people so he can finance Lu's profligate investigation methods. Nobody seems to be quite bothered by the means with which he funds the good guys.

Let us explain our plans again, just in case Man, it sucks to be me

The investigation involves a lot of talking and a lot of fighting. The film has three action choreographers but despite their impeccable credentials, many of the sequences are pedestrian. We have several comical moments (although Lu's shtick of pinching his opponent's swords quickly wears out). My favorite is the long sequence when Lu and Shimen dispatch a lot of red and yellow robed assailants to wherever Confucians believe people go when they die. There is also some unintentional hilarity---check out the exploding gazebo, which is supposed to make it look like Lu died in an accident... I wonder how the explanation would go. Probably something like, so he came here in the middle of the night and just as he was munching on General Tso's Chicken, one of the spring rolls just blew up. Probably too much ponzu sauce. There is also some intentional comic relief that is not funny---check out the King of Thieve's assault on the temple.

Would be funny if extras weren't dying Communist Party representative and tyrant

This is not to say there was nothing to like in the interminable dialogues. I was quite partial to the conclusion of the main characters Ye and Shimen who suffer because they are the most famous swordsmen. For the first time ever I hear them confirm what I have always suspected; being the top dog in the martial arts world is not all that rewarding. Ye is forced to abandon his honor in order to save his wife but he is only offered this option because of his skills. Shimen is also trapped by his fame, him being selected to fight in a decoy duel that pits him against the man he most admires is also solely due to him being renowned. Unable to overcome what they are, the two are forced to square against each other even though this is the last thing they want to do.

Extreme musical chairs Lu's obsession with manicure

On the more political side of the cinematic spectrum, we have the rather incongruous behavior toward the Emperor. I understand the attempt to depose and assassinate him. These things are not unheard of. But one has got to absolutely love the little speech our three swordsmen deliver right after he is saved. Ye refuses to submit, then Shimen intervenes and tells the Emperor (Wong Yung) that he's just a regular man who is royalty by birth not by virtue, and hence can rule over common folk only, not distinguished people like the three of them. An interesting conceit, and astonishingly the Emperor swallows the insult in front of all those underlings who serve him 24/7. This is a nice stand but is so out of touch with any historical reality, it made the wire-fu exploits appear mundane by comparison. Oh well...

Too hard to explain Death by special effects in the snow

The DVD from Celestial is apparently from their batch of new and improved transfers. The anamorphic widescreen picture is presented at 2.35:1, with deep colors, balanced tones, and apparently free of scratches or compression problems. The Mandarin mono soundtrack works well too, although I find the high-pitched voices that some men resort to occasionally quite distracting. It's almost as if it's playing at a faster speed. The English subtitles are fine despite the awkward phrases that crop up here and there. Keeping a pen handy is advised: there's so many characters that nobody can remember their names. The extras are restricted to the usual suspects: a photo gallery, brief talent files, and some trailers. A decent film but definitely not among Chu Yuan's best. Still, worth seeing if you like annoying leads or if you, like me, are a huge fan of Yueh Hua.

December 6, 2005