Accion mutante (Mutant Action, 1993)

Alex de la Iglesia

Spain/France

91 min, color, Spanish (English subtitles)

A bizarre post-apocalyptic gross-out satire with murky special effects and an outrageous plot line that is guaranteed to get any average feminist's blood roiling. In a futuristic world that is a cross between Blade Runner and Delicatessen, a bunch of disfigured freaks form a terrorist group calling itself Accion Mutante and set out to take bloody and gory revenge upon the beauty-obsessed society that has shunned and excluded them. They attack health clubs, semen banks, and (everyone's favorite) gun down an entire aerobics team in full view of the TV cameras. Unfortunately, their terror tactics seem to backfire more often than not ever since their leader Ramon (Antonio Resines) was thrown in jail: They bungle one attempt after another, killing a man they were supposed to take hostage, or blowing up a club one hour after all the patrons have left.

When Ramon is released, the gang pops into their getaway vehicle (an ice cream truck) and drive to their lair amidst the grimy slums of the future infested with comic-book evil cops who seem to be the evil baton-waving versions of Robocop, all of this to the theme music from Mission: Impossible. The new scheme is immediately hatched, and it is bold: the gang is to kidnap Patricia Orujo (Frederique Feder), the daughter of an immensely rich dude who runs some wholesome cookie business or something.

The mutants infiltrate the wedding and naturally fuck up their nicely-laid plan. A hilarious carnage ensues which costs the lives of two mutants, 583 masked representatives of the Bold & the Beautiful (always a welcome sight), and an unknown number of entirely innocent robot servers. The rump terrorist group scampers off to its spaceship and take off to the distant planet Axturias.

This is the point at which the film transmigrates from a social satire into a misogynistic romp, losing some of its potency but gaining in cheap thrills. Patricia's mouth is stapled shut, she is tied, and forced to endure both the amorous advances of one of the siamese twins, and watch helplessly as Ramon begins to dispatch his fellow mutants in an escalating bloodbath of flying parts, intestines, and chopping.

In the end, only Ramon and Patricia remain, and when the ship crashes, they wake up: she with the Stockholm syndrome, and he with a huge headache, the one from the crash and the one from Patricia. (The syndrome refers to hostages falling for their captors and is most famous this side of the pond from the case of Patricia Hearst, which probably explains the name of the female character). He is forced to drag her about the stony landscape by her hair while she chatters endlessly on and on about her love and how they should kill her Dad.

Daddy Dearest, by the way, is on his way to the planet, ostensibly to ransom his beautiful daughter, but really to kill Ramon, her, and himself (he apparently blew a fuse when they ruined the party cake).

The planet is weird (as in more weird than the rest of the film). The biggest problem is that there are no women on it; we're told that they don't last long because they're too fragile (or something). This turns out to be a problem when Ramon and Patricia run across a family of repulsive fat dudes who set out to torture him and rape her. Somehow Patricia lures the smallest repulsive dude by giving him her panties and he sets her free (we're never shown that part of the story, but it's pretty clear that she got brutally raped although nobody seems to notice or care).

Finally, Ramon and Patricia make it to the bar, and the film reincarnates as the social satire it used to be. This lasts for about 10 minutes, time enough to mock reality shows, affirm love, and blow almost everyone to bits.

There's the love story with the siamese twin and his stuffed bro, but that's too ugly to recount.

This is not a date movie. You have been warned.

The Substance DVD is subpar in every department. The transfer is muddy, with washed out colors, and looks like a copy from a VHS tape. The subtitles are bright and readable, but the sound is muffled. There are no extras. For the price (I paid around $16), it's too much for this flick. But if there isn't any other way to see it, the DVD might, just barely, be worth it.

March 24, 2003