Four Times That Night
(Quante volte... quella notte, 1972)

Mario Bava

Italy

83 min, color, Italian (English subtitles)

Review © 2006 Branislav L. Slantchev

This would have been a baroque re-working of the Rashomon theme if it weren't so silly. It would have been a funny comedy if it weren't so damn predictable. Despite relatively attractive leads whose chemistry hovers somewhere between a failed lab experiment and nuclear explosion, this often neglected entry in Bava's oeuvre is remarkable only for the fact that it has not yet been utterly forgotten. That Bava helmed it probably accounts for that historical anomaly. What else can explain me purchasing the Italian DVD after watching the insipid US release and not particularly liking it?

Cruisin' for chicks	My back hurts... but eyes are fine

The premise promises much more laughs than the film delivers. A chance encounter at the park of the local playboy Gianni (Brett Halsey) and the disturbingly revealing Catholic nice girl Tina (Daniela Giordano) leads them into a night of... well, that's the rub. No one is exactly sure what transpires on their first date. All we know is that Tina returns home very late sulking with her dress slightly torn. The film is then going to describe the preceding events from the POVs of the two participants plus several other characters, including a swinging duo and a lecherous janitor (Dick Randall). If you are looking for a gentle skewing of perspective, a subtle shading of attitude, a legitimate disagreement over interpretation of an event witnessed in common, then you clearly have not been paying attention.

Tina snoops on her new squeeze	Speedo horror

Instead of a study in how people subconsciously distort reality to accommodate their own take on it, we get a study in how people lie through their teeth in order to maintain the image they wish others to have of them. That is, rather than the interesting idea of people lying to themselves, we get the utterly prosaic notion of them lying to others. Well, fine. This is legit too. Since it's won't be digging deeper than a sand pit of a lazy dog, perhaps the film is going to be entertaining as hell? Or humorous?

Like mother, like daughter	Two love birds and lewd doorman

Occasionally funny is the best I can do. Starting with the vaunted different perspectives, we get a relatively uninspired trudge down cliche lane. Tina pretends to be this naive Catholic girl who never did anything to suggest that Gianni should jump her like a racoon in heat. Despite wearing a see-through dress that would make a hooker blush, she maintains that she only danced (strictly prom-style chaperoned no-touch mode), then went to Gianni's place to examine his wallpaper, and when the dude popped the Speedo, she vaulted out of his apartment before the guy could say "Check out my pectorals!" In the process, there was some groping, apparently, and this accounts for the tussled shirt. She escaped with her virginity intact (presumably this is what matters to a good Catholic girl).

Typical Catholic pose	Strip-o-man red glass viewer

Not to be outdone by this wild fiction on short notice, Gianni's version paints Tina as the ultimate man-eater. She begins as an insatiable sex-crazed kitten who wears out the poor playboy by jumping him repeatedly and nearly raping him when his stock of Viagra gets dangerously low. She ends up as the frustrated unsatisfied vixen who craves more of Gianni. The guy simply cannot take the heat and manages to tear her dress in a well-justified self-defense against her incessant advances. I don't know that there are women like that (which is why it's clear Gianni is making this up), but just in case there are, I want their numbers. I won't do much better than this stud but, boy, what a way to go!

The medically-challenged 1970s	The man-eater presiding over her lair

At this point we're apparently out of ways to tell the story; after all, both protagonists have told their tales. Not so fast, young grasshopper, as the title has warned us, there are two more to go. I take a deep breath, go to make my avocado sandwich, and settle down to watch the same silly story told again... and again. The "third time that night" involves the wild Esmeralda (Pascale Petit) and the suave (?) boy-toy Rudy (Michael Hinz). They are not really a couple, appearances to the contrary notwithstanding. Why? Because they are gay. Not in the sense of funny (which they are) but in the sense of playing for the other respective teams. So what would a lesbian and a gay dude want with our two heteros?

Come on over, we'll have a foursome	More swingin' seventies

For one, Esmeralda gives Bava an excuse to indulge in his passion for filming decadent parties from the swinging 1960s. (I have to ask my parents if they really were that wild.) After wading through some dope haze and the drifting sounds of sensuous, if utterly stupid, music, Esmeralda spots the German import Mumu (Brigitte Skay) and, being a professional photographer, immediately invites her to an impromptu art session. We all know how all these impromptu art sessions end, so while Mumu busily proclaims her shyness and inability to pose naked, she just as diligently loses all articles of clothing. This being a no-nonsense production, she has exactly two of these articles to lose before she is posing in the way that she is shy posing in. Unfortunately, Esmeralda's line "Don't worry, I have seen many naked women" never worked for me in these impromptu sessions.

Artsy studio setup	"I have seen many naked women" (never worked for me)

Anyway, to justify Rudy's presence, the story makes Gianni gay, which is fine because it takes place mostly off camera so that the audience is back in the firmly established land of approved lesbian scenes. For some inexplicable reason Tina finds herself in the buff with Esmeralda gently caressing her with a feather without any camera in sight. This suddenly startles Tina and naturally leads to some dress damage. No harm, no foul, if you ask me. While I was yawning and overtly glancing at the timer, some "scientist" (Caliso Calisti) popped up looking like a ragged Templar just coming out of a devil worship ritual. After helpfully "explaining" why different people saw different things in the same events, the film ends with me scratching my head in utter confusion: after all, these simply weren't the same events that these people supposedly were telling, as the real, "fourth time that night" story clearly showed.

Controversial lesbian scene	Even more swinging seventies

As I said, I initially watched the R1 DVD of the film but then decided to buy the Italian Raro Video release (all region). This one comes with a nice widescreen video transfer. It's at 1.85:1 OAR and is anamorphic. PAL just gives some additional crispness to the picture. I am not sure that it was a huge improvement over the US version but I like to think that it is. Only the Italian mono soundtrack is available, with optional English subtitles. No complaints there. The disc is bare-bones and only has some talent files. Unremarkable release for a mildly entertaining film.

June 20, 2006