Five Dolls for an August Moon
(5 bambole per la luna d'agosto, 1970)

Mario Bava

Italy

78 min, color, English

Review © 2006 Branislav L. Slantchev

Leave it to the maestro to film such a delightfully inane nonsense and still make it entertaining enough to warrant more than one viewing. Bava, of course, is well known for his visual flair and he never met a stupid story he did not like as long as it gave him the opportunity to put some good-looking people, usually of the female persuasion, in some appropriately cool interior and then have them either do or get done to things that are best reserved for pulp novels.

These rich people know how to have fun	In the name of money, sex, and bad taste!

This little semi-precious gem is no exception: if there ever was a typical Eurotrash outing, this one is it. Sporting five female leads, of which four are to the eyes what cherry-flavored Pepto-Bismol is to sore stomachs, the confusingly titled Five Dolls... is not going to be making cinematic history, even in some trashy collection of trashy films of the seventies. Still, it has enough nice touches, awful dubbing, and cretinous acting to reduce even the most determined critic to babbling incoherence before the jazzy musical score by Piero Umiliani puts him into lounge stupor.

Fake blood spillage	This family held by the bonds of greed

What passes for story can be told in more words than it must have taken in the script. There's an island (read: confined space from which there is no escape); on that island, there is a house (read: everyone will be in it, including the killer). This house is very cool, and I mean the architecture is just stunning. I want one just like it. Anyway, there are four couples plus one random seemingly unattached female and one seemingly uninvolved butler (and no, these two are not getting it on with each other although the butler is not above some unauthorized romping with married women).

Well, the butler's dead, so who did it?	And next time I will be wearing a bra

The men in three of the couples are filthy rich industrialists who are after some formula invented by Prof. Farrell (William Berger) who happens to be the man in the fourth couple. They are trying to persuade the prof to sell the damn thing at a hefty profit, and they make him various offers, both jointly and singly, which he spurns on account of being unprepossessing, world-loving, and altruistic. Naturally, the guys try other approaches. Nick (Maurice Poli) lets his voluptuous wife Marie (Edwige Fenech) loose on the prof just when he himself lusts after the man's wife Trudy (Ira von Furstenberg). The older, and apparently richer, George (Teodoro Corra) also seems to be hatching some plot but it is not clear with whom. His wife Jill (Edith Meloni) is just unhappy one way or the other. Meanwhile, the decidedly playboyish Jack (Howard Ross) is just busy playing footsy with his own better half Peggy (Helena Ronee). It all seems sort of stupid until people start turning up dead.

Obligatory shot of Edwige Fenech	Back when lesbian sex was cool... oh wait!

First, of course, is the butler. That way we can't think the butler did it. Then, just as I am busy suspecting the professor although I have absolutely no clue why he would be killing anyone, the prof bites the dust; actually, he first bites some lead, then some sand, and then (apparently) lots of salt water. At this point, I have run out of suspects, mostly because it makes no sense whatsoever for the industrialists to kill the goose they hope will be laying golden eggs pretty soon.

Non-unionized corpse disposal	Hubby's dead, long live his wallet

As soon as the prof is offed, it is open season on his wife who seems to be not entirely unhappy with the developing interest in her humble persona. However, more of the girls die, much to the chagrin of the males in the audience. To add insult to injury, the bodies are wrapped in cellophane and then hanged in the freezer next to some decidedly yummy-looking carcasses of unspecified bovines. It's all rather funny actually, although I am not sure about the social statement Bava was trying to make there. Suspicions run high even though for some unfathomable reason nobody seems to wonder just what the single unattached female (Ely Galleani) has been doing all this time on the island.

Why did smoking ever get uncool?	Not in the mountain of the cannibal god

More mayhem follows, including an inexplicable suicide, some group boozing that ends with mass blacking out, and then a hilarious sequence in which the killer manages to conceal three unconscious bodies from the sailors who have come to pick up the rich dudes. At any rate, it is all soon revealed, both to us and the other characters. And it's really stupid too. And no, the explanation does not help. Without revealing who did what, let me just say that it made absolutely no sense whatsoever even after the elaborate narrative that was supposed to convince us they did not just make it up as they went along. (They did.)

100% USDA-approved prime rib	Just a beautifully framed shot

Despite the serious lack of continuity or even common sense, or perhaps because of those, the film is highly enjoyable in that "it's way past bedtime, and my brain is fried, and it's way better than dumb infomercials" sort of way. With enough stylish shots (check out the awesome sequence with the small crystal balls rolling down the spiral staircase) to make the film look more than the HBO late-night special it otherwise would have been, this feature will not disappoint fans of cool Eurotrash. If you really pine for Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians, then perhaps this film should help ease your withdrawal symptoms.

Edith Meloni bails out of this production	Alcohol and bad scripting don't mix

Other than that, there isn't much to recommend. Helena, Ely, Ira, and Edwige do precisely what they are supposed to do: look gorgeous and act stupid when they don't try to seduce someone, not necessarily male. (Still, one has to wonder about the wisdom of showing Edwige right after taking a shower.) The men tend to be too sleazy to be worth noting, although I was somewhat partial to the absolutely awful character of George. I guess my biggest beef has to be with continuity when all is said and done: will someone explain to me just how Peggy got killed by the one who was supposed to kill her when he was in plain view of the camera all the time?

The only two people in this film who know what's happening	Ely Galleani's into the freezer look

I watched the R1 release by Image Entertainment in their Mario Bava Collection series, and I was not very impressed. The film is presented in a non-anamorphic OAR of 1.85:1 and the colors are very nice. Still, there is some visible grain when the picture is not way too soft. Both English and Italian dubs are available, and as usual it's a tough call. Whereas the Italian tends to sound better, some actors are obviously speaking English, and it may be distracting when the lip-sync is, well, out of sync (which also happens with the English dub, by the way). The optional English subtitles are nice especially because sometimes the dialogue is too muffled anyway. The extras include talent files, a still gallery, and trailers for other titles in the series. The liner notes by Tim Lucas just make me salivate for his Bava book (if it ever comes out).

March 12, 2006